High Profile jails anyone?

Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your ears. The new hotline for Tihar Jail room reservations is expected to come out in the near future. Unfortunately, this hotline can be accessed only by members of the corrupt high-brow society. Rooms can be reserved in bulk. Special welcome parties will also be provided (Garlands and Aarti included.Vermillion applied on fore-head only if the police chief obliges).  I am not a huge fan of politics but the high-profile inmates of Tihar Jail continue to amuse me. Generally, a criminal is left to rot in jail but this law has a glaring loophole when it comes to politicians. Let us assume

A= Politician

B=Indian

A intersects B
The Tihar jail VIP treatment law states that as long as a criminal falls into the category of (a∩b) he/she shall be given VIP treatment in Tihar Jail even if the offences committed by him/her are heinous (vary from scams to swindling…an occasional touch of sanguinary here and there).

A. Raja, Kanimozhi, Suresh Kalmadi, Amar Singh might be terribly disappointed by the news that Lord B. S. Yeddyurappa found refuge in  the eastern suburb of Parappana Agrahara a.k.a Bangalore Central Jail but no worries his room is air-conditioned and has a ‘Y’ class security. Oh, I almost forgot he even tried playing the “chest pain” card! Well the chest pain card is one of the many escape tactics used by politicians. It requires extreme dramatics and the timing of the act needs to be precise (often performed in full media glare).

Politicians who are arrested typically complain of chest pain. It’s a cliché now! Remember the times when you were absent from school and the next day the teacher questions you

Teacher : Why were you absent yesterday?

Student : I was suffering from fever

Fever that vanished miraculously in one day sounded plausible to the teacher .

Similarly

Police : Mr/Mrs/Miss XXXX  you are under arrest for XXXXX charges.

Mr/Mrs/Miss XXXX  : (He/She knows this is going to happen and he/she has been rehearsing this with his/her colleagues almost every alternate day) clutches his/her chest and faints dramatically (at times in front of cameras..fodder for the media). An ambulance is conjured out of thin air and the VIP is immediately put on a drip and rushed to the hospital. This is what most politicians do when faced with a tough situation.

Kalmadi decided to improvise a bit just like he did with the CWG contracts. He managed to do a Guy Pearce on the investigating officials by sensationally stating that he suffers from dementia. A Memento cum Ghajini inspired act by Kalmadi deserves a standing ovation. Hats off!

One unlucky bloke who narrowly missed out on the “Tihar is paradise” clan is the weedy looking yet highly cunning Ramalinga Raju who destroyed the careers and lives of so many people. This one played the same (Surprise! Surprise!) “chest-pain” card and managed to make the hospital NIMS his home for almost a year! He was too frail to come to the court but this did not deter him from holding so called “meetings” with his colleagues in the hospital premises. A news channel released a report on the same issue last year.

Tea parties were being hosted in Tihar. The VIP’s seem to be having a ball as the walls around them which are actually meant to prevent them from escaping seem to be providing them refuge from their real nemesis a.k.a the ones who suffered due to their atrocities.

Here’s an excerpt from a news paper:

“On a surprise visit to the jail on Thursday, inspecting trial court judge Brijesh Kumar Garg was aghast to see that “high-profile undertrial prisoners (UTP) were being given undue liberty by the jail authorities”. While sacked Games Organizing Committee chief Suresh Kalmadi was having tea and snacks with the jail superintendent in his chamber, the judge found that the cells of 2G spectrum accused were unlocked and “all the high-profile UTPs were able to roam around and interact with each other”.

Who needs heaven when there are  plush havens like these on earth!

Disclaimer: All the views and opinions expressed in this article belong solely to the author. nextGen India Speaks is a platform open to all points of view.

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  • I think its so nice to know that they still try to remain within the Jail premises as much as possible. They can simply afford to be locked in Jails which they themselves can afford to build on the shores of Macau and hills of Alps.